Breast Feeding as a Single Mommy

Breast feeding is an investment. You invest your effort, time, patience, immobility, a good working breast pump and of course breast feeding paraphernalia that we think are essential. It's an investment that has 100% sure return.

I am not one to do a lot of research and give you facts, but instead I write mostly about my experience and opinion. I am new at this, just 5 months mommy to my baby girl Zoe (yes she is a girl) but during that short span of time, breastfeeding has been a challenge especially for a single mom like me.

When Zoe was born, doctor's and lactation consultants praised her for latching on right away and the right way to latch. I didn't have a lot of milk at first but she was very persistent though she cried every 30 mins and wanted to eat. My mother actually suggested to give her formula since she thought that the baby is going to die of hunger. Luckily, the doctors explained to us that during the baby's first few days out of the womb, their stomach capacity is just the size of a small quail egg and that the colostrum is enough to fill the baby's appetite. Plus, I was decided that I will breastfeed my child even before I was pregnant although no one told me to.

Back home as I am living with my parents and my sister, I am mandated to follow the "ge lai" process that Chinese believe to regain the health of the mother post partum. You can find out more about that here. So there I was without taking a bath for a month, eating food seasoned with lots of sesame oil (the smell becomes super horrible if you are smelling it every day all over the house), drinking thick cocoa every morning, icky icky herbal teas, no water and citrus juices, just warm grape juice, yada-yada-yada. In short, I was a wreck. Good thing Zoe didn't seem to be bothered about how I smelled or looked. One thing I noticed though was that Zoe was constipated, maybe because of my lack of water intake and excessive eating of stuff that is supposed to warm the body. I'm not sure if it's a direct effect affecting my milk but I think it somehow does. I had to follow it but I was able to vent and complain every day to my mom unlike with some of my friends when a mother-in-law prepares the ge-lai for them, they had to keep their mouths shut or suffer from different comments like being unappreciative and such. So maybe it was a plus for me.

It is important that everybody in your house or those people who surround you believe in the importance of breast feeding, for you to be successful at it. But if they're not, all the more you have to be firm and let them know that this is your decision. Show them a chart of all the expenditures of feeding formula vs BFing if need be. I was also blessed with family who backed me up sans my "guama" grandmother from my mother side who kept on convincing me to stop pumping and feed Zoe formula. I blocked my ears every time she starts and she also nags me about getting married and all since being a single mom was my own decision. You will always encounter people who are pro-formula and it is always best to talk to them, find out why and convince them otherwise. I didn't bother with my "guama" since it was my mom who kept explaining to her all the benefits of breastfeeding. But according to her, we have the money to buy milk so why go through all the hassle? which is a very wrong mindset. I had no "hubby" to back me up so it was good that my mom and sister supports me with it. My dad, who is very traditional Chinese, actually believes in my efforts and even invented a customized car cable for my breast pump so that I can really literally pump on the go!

For the first few months I was equipped with all the knowledge I acquired through reading when I was pregnant. Some articles are centered on married moms and had suggestions like "to get some rest, pump your milk so that daddy can have his turn on feeding and taking care of baby". Of course I had my yaya as a daddy substitute, just kidding, but I opted to feed my baby directly and gradually introduced her to the bottle so that it would be easier for the caregiver to feed her when it is time for me to go back to work. After 3 months I went back to working full time at our family's company as marketing lead plus attending to my business, My Baby Dragon, at the side and allotting time for my daughter. I just turned 24 by the way and I had a lot of adjustments to go through the super 360 life changing event that is in the form of my beautiful daughter.

I must admit that there were times when I thought of giving up BFing especially when Zoe had her boob strike or left boob strike, whatever suits her trip that day. We also changed her yaya or caregiver 4 times already considering she's just 5 months old. (I will talk about yayas in my future post.) I had a full month without a yaya as well and I found it challenging at first and fairly easy around the 3rd week. It was like "you, me and milk" all day everyday and it was really really convenient to have milk ready for your baby 24/7, at the right "timpla" and the right temperature. I also started learning about baby wearing and had my ring sling handy whenever I had to go out for grocery with my baby. Eventually I found it hard to put on and it strains my shoulder on one side so I found the Baby K'tan and that's when I started my business to distribute the K'tan here in the Philippines. Baby-wearing and breast feeding goes hand in hand period.

Going out of the country was very complicated. I had to attend a conference for my baby business in Shanghai so I had no choice but to leave my baby with my mom and the yaya. As soon as I knew I had to go, I stocked up milk in the freezer allotting for the days I will be gone for them to feed Zoe through the bottle. I had to pump and pump when I was away and my hotel room didn't have a refrigerator! I thought of just pumping and throwing it away just to keep my milk supply up but I just couldn't. I talked to the receptionist and they allowed me to store my milk in their restaurant's freezer. After all that, during my last day in Shanghai, I was robbed and they took my bag with my phone, money and breast pump inside! I was even held in the police station to get the report done while I was suffering from engorged breasts full of milk that I wasn't able to pump out for 8 hours. So back in the hotel I had to hand express and then had to buy another breast pump! Horrible horrible and very hassle right? But I still thought that I went through all that for my baby and everything seems worth it.

4 days I was away and my stocked milk was not enough for Zoe. My mother bought formula and Zoe had that for the 9 hours I was short. I know! Please don't judge me, it was never my intention and I slap myself because of it. Then the real problem begins. Zoe refused to nurse direct. And she refused vocally and with facial expression. Imagine how I felt and I had to pretend I was alright and that I was in control of the situation. Again, I had no "hubby" to comfort me, just my mom and sister who were fairly supportive. I began to feel depressed and frustrated by the situation. I had to vent through the breastfeeding group in FB and it helped me a lot. A lactation consultant, Nanay Nona, I was able to get in touch with her and she gave me tips and tricks while consoling me. That's when you learn that BFing is not easy for most and that a support group is really very helpful. (If you are a BFing mom just message me so that we can add you to our growing support group). After 3 days of trying and trying, then when we were in the car, on her car seat, my sister suggested that I should try to offer my breast while she is sitted there and guess what? it worked and we were alright after that. She started nursing again. I never knew why she had problems then but I was really happy that we went through that rough patch and it prepared me for the trials ahead, Hopefully, just a few more.

Challenges will be there as with any endeavor. Just recently I changed my caregiver again and Zoe seems to know that someone else is taking care of her. She eats only half of what she usually consumes when I was away to work and prefers to nurse directly now and not drink from the bottle! As I said, there are always trials and I'm sure to solve this one soon.

Let us always remind ourselves the greatest gift we can give our children and think that some women still BF even in unlikely situations and conditions.

Cheers to all breastfeeding mothers and also to the fathers who support them.

Not your average single mom,
Tiffany